Parenthood
Every parent is the child of someone. When we reflect on our childhood we realize that our lives have been influenced by the thoughts and values of those who raised us, whether beneficial or not.
It is always useful to examine these thoughts and values to discern which have brought good into our lives and which have not.
When we become parents we would like to express the beneficial values that our parents conveyed and not repeat the troublesome thoughts that our parents suffered from.
Parents often try to fix, control and manage a child’s behavior becoming a “demanding parent”, insisting upon what they think should and should not be. This is the Personal View of parenthood where we have the burden of thinking we need to make children do things that we want them to do, or what we think they should do. We could also be so involved with ourselves that we are an “absent parent” where we do not give any guidance or direction. Either way we are expressing the thoughts we have accepted about parenthood.
The qualities parents value and express, verbally and nonverbally, are what influence the children. It may be good to ask ourselves “What qualities am I interested in expressing as a parent?” Peace or bribery? Clarity or domination? Non-conditional love or manipulation?
As parents we often seek what we want, like peace and quiet or for them to eat their vegetables, by trying to bribe them with video access or dessert. Both the children and the parents may be happy in the moment when everyone gets what they want.
Here the value being learned by parent and child is how to negotiate to get what they want. These power struggles for control for either a parent or child to get what they want are common with the Personal View of parenthood.
If we find ourselves suffering from the burden of parenthood we can ask ourselves “Is there a better way?” Yes, there is. The alternative is the Spiritual View of being a “learning parent” which is realizing that parenting is an opportunity to learn.
An example could be learning that the most valuable quality in a family is peace. Peace in a household allows everyone in a family to give up the struggle to get what they want and let love, non-conditional goodwill, thrive in the family. This is a radical shift in interest, maybe one member of the family at a time. The whole family benefits when even one member becomes more interested in peace than being right.
Consider that when a good idea about what is needed is expressed in a non-personal and non-conditional way, everyone is more likely to accept the idea. The Spiritual View of parenthood benefits everyone by bringing harmony to the household.